17

Review: Lelo Oden

When I first started reviewing I felt like there was a slight mystique surrounding Lelo toys. They were high end, luxury, they were everything opposite of all the toys I’d had before. I couldn’t wait until I was able to try one for the first time, when Babeland offered the Oden for review I was SO excited. Here’s the thing, I heard some pretty bad things about the Sensemotion line that Oden is a part of, but I really wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt. So far I had only read reviews of the other toys, Tiani and Lyla, maybe this one was somehow better. Unfortunately, once I received the toy, I found that everything I’d heard was true. Yes, it is a luxury toy, with beautiful packaging and silky silicone. Yes, it is also I giant disappointment.

Let’s get the specs out of the way before I pick things apart. As I said earlier, Oden is a part of the Sensemotion line by Lelo. All of these toys come with a remote that can be controlled by moving the unit. As Epiphora states in her review of Lyla: “Picture a Wii remote that, rather than controlling Sonic the Hedgehog, controls a vibrating bullet.” When you tilt or shake the controller, it changes the vibrations in the toy. As a bonus(?), the remote also vibrates. The Oden design is a cock ring, unlike any I’ve personally tired, and the flexible tail portion is meant to wrap around the base of the penis.

What are the good points? Well, Oden is rechargeable, silicone (care info), and waterproof. It comes in a lovely box, nestled in velvet covered foam, that would be fantastic for storage (if you have room for it). It is flexible enough to comfortably accommodate a variety of sizes, and is a unique design. The problem is… everything else.

The silicone may be soft and silky, but why oh WHY did they pair it with that cheap feeling gold plastic? It completely lessens the “luxury” feel of the toy, and for the price, they could have used something nicer. The packaging is lovely, as can be expected from Lelo, but no box or brooch (why is this necessary in the first place?) will make up for a toy that DOESN’T WORK.

Yeah, here’s the biggest problem, the one that makes everything else go out the window. This thing doesn’t actually work! None of the Sensemotion toys seem to, and there are others who can back this claim up. (Epiphora, True Pleasures, FS-Navigator, Lilly)Basically, the remote has to be in the immediate vicinity of the toy, despite the claims of a 39 foot range. Oh wait, I’m sorry… it will work that far away, as long as it in nowhere near your body! Now that’s helpful. I had this grand idea of using it as a cockring, and a clitoral bullet that I could wear out in public. Nope. It doesn’t work through clothes, but worse is that it won’t work through labia.

Remember how I mentioned that the remote vibrates too? Aside from the fact that it gets annoying after a while, the remote will continue vibrating once the toy itself has lost connection. So if the person holding the remote isn’t also the person experiencing the toy, they won’t have a clue that the thing died. While I’m talking about the remote, can I just mention that the whole idea of shaking it harder to make the vibrations increase makes no sense to me. The only application I can think of is if you were giving a handjob while holding it, and the faster you move it, the more vibration you get too. But really, that doesn’t sound all too appealing to me. For the sake of being thorough, it should be mentioned that you can turn off the function where the remote also vibrates, and you can also use the steady speed or patterns just like most other toys.

To add insult to injury is the fact that I find the vibrations to be buzzy and unappealing. Even if I held open my labia and put the thing right against my clit. Even if the remote was resting on my thigh so they couldn’t lose connection. Even if nothing else went wrong, it still couldn’t get me off, not in a million years.

There are other things, like the weird key you have to use to get the remote open and closed. Or how pairing the remote to the vibe can be a bitch.  But none of those would be as big a problem if the toy worked as it is intended.

Want to know the weirdest part? Despite all of the problems, it actually redeemed itself some in use. Some. I put it on him and we found that the flexible piece held it is place just fine, while still being comfortable. I had it angled down because we were going to use it doggy style and I wanted it facing my clit. This had the added bonus of vibrating against his balls, which he actually enjoyed. Unfortunately I had to keep one arm underneath and behind so that the remote was directly below the toy, and it still lost connection some of the time. When it hit my clit, it did feel good. But, as with all vibrating cock rings, the on-and-off feeling doesn’t do anything for me. Unfortunately, thanks to the signal issues, I can’t ride on top of him while he wears it though that would be my usual answer for keeping steady vibration going. Eventually the ring slid to the side a bit, and the head of the toy was jamming into the top of my inner thigh, next to my labia, and that hurt.

If the Sensemotion technology functioned properly, this would be a decent toy. It really would. But Lelo, instead of giving us brooches and other fancy “extras,” please make sure the toy does what it is supposed to. This is one of those situations where reviewers can save you from spending well over $100 on a toy that just doesn’t work. Unfortunately, the holy grail of remote vibrating toys is still waiting to be discovered. Lelo missed the mark with this line, and I can only hope that they will take note of all the backlash and re-design the toys. I, and others, will be waiting.

14

Review: Tri-O Couple’s Cock Ring

I’ll admit it, I’m becoming a bit of a toy hoarder. I am amassing quite a collection, and I’m pretty proud of it. I also play well with others, meaning that I’m willing to share my toys with my partner… this mostly means he’ll be my guinea pig, but there are perks for him too. So one afternoon when I was perusing toys, I decided to let him pick something out. He decided on the Tri-O cock ring, despite my reservations, I requested it for review.

The Tri-O “Triple Pleasure Ring” is made by The Screaming O, it comes in a package that I would expect to find in a Spencer’s and proclaims “Keep ‘Em Screaming!” According to the Good Vibes site it is made of Elastomer (care info), the packaging does not state what it is made from. It should be used with condoms or fluid bonded partners only, please keep away from your silicone toys! It is super stretchy, mine is clear and the vibrators are white. It is waterproof and claims to run for 60 minutes, the batteries are replaceable (LR 1130)

The design is unlike any cock ring I’ve used before, most vibrating models have the ring with a vibrator attached to the top. The Tri-O doubles that, with two rings and two vibrators. The top ring goes around the base of the penis, with the vibrator on top. The bottom ring, or “The BALLER,” as the packaging calls it, stretches to hold the testicles. The second vibrator will then be in position under the penis. There are textured areas on the vibrators and a nub called the “Taint Tickler” at the base of the bottom ring. The vibrators are easy enough to operate, there is a button on the end of each that you push to turn on or off. They are both relatively quiet and buzzy feeling. The pet is of pretty average penis size, both length and girth, so I tried it on a few of my larger-than-average toys. The ring is very stretchy, so it has no problem fitting on larger cocks, though I can’t tell you if it would feel more restrictive. It starts out the size  of a large thumb, so I feel pretty safe in saying that it will accommodate pretty well any cock size.

Time came to try this thing out, and I went to stretch the top ring over his cock. The first thing I noticed is that there is a smaller piece of plastic on the inner sides of the ring (you can see them in the product photo), this piece needs to be grabbed and stretched as well or it will twist and drag as you put the ring on. Once the ring was firmly in place at the base of his penis, I went about wrangling his balls. That wasn’t happening. They clearly were not interested in my handling of them, I think maybe they knew what was coming… and knew, better than we did, that it was a bad idea.

He finally got the bottom ring to stretch around and under his testicles, and I’ll be honest, it didn’t look comfy. The pet’s balls are not particularly dangly or large, this is not normally a problem. However, when you try and band them down, they get squished and turn purple… I was a little afraid for them.

We turned on the top vibrator, which he couldn’t feel at all. Then we turned on the bottom vibrator, which made him squeal. While he said that it wasn’t unpleasant, it also didn’t really do anything positive for him either. The vibrators are removable, should you prefer to do that. They each have a button on one side that is relatively easy to push, this turns them on and off. The vibrations are buzzy and light, not enough to really do anything spectacular. Fortunately, they are also fairly quiet.

With everything in place, we went to actually start having sex, this is where things began to fall apart.

First he stood up to get into position and one of his balls popped out of the lower band. Saying this was unpleasant for him would be an understatement. I’m actually a little surprised he wanted to keep going, but he’s a trooper. When he went to take the band off his balls, not wanting to risk further injury, it got all tangled in his hair and pulled. Then the lower vibrator crapped out on us, the top one kept going on and off, but the bottom died entirely after only minutes of use.

When we finally got to the sex portion of the ordeal it just wasn’t working for us. In missionary position the vibe did hit near my clit, but it is only when he thrusts and isn’t strong, so it wasn’t enough to do me any good. I would like to have tried it cowgirl, so I could maintain more consistent contact, but the top vibe died too (and nowhere near the alleged 60 minute mark).

At one point I just said “is this doing anything for you?” Of course, it wasn’t. In fact, it was really just distracting for both of us… So off it came so that we could cum. There was really no added benefit for either of us, and too many things went wrong… GOOD TOYS SHOULDN’T HURT.

Between the dead vibrators and pain, we won’t be using this one again. Top it off with obnoxious packaging and you have a real winner. The only people who I think might enjoy this ring are people who enjoy crappy jelly vibe rings (like they sell in vending machines in some states) and want something a step up. While the vibrators crapped out on us, the thing does seem nearly indestructible. The pet tried to hulk it to death after we’d given up, it didn’t break. Plus, despite extreme stretching, it did go back to it’s original shape. I’d recommend that you only use it if you have a longer or stretchier scrotum and not much body hair…. or you’re into CBT, but that’s a post for a different day.

Unfortunately the Tri-O  Couples Cock Ring only brought sadness, disappointment and testicular torture for us. However, if you want to brave it, you can find one here, I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks to the awesome folks over at Good Vibes for sending me the Tri-O to review!