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Guide to: 50 Shades of Grey Toys

If you follow me on Twitter, you may know that I’m not a fan of 50 Shades of Grey. I feel like it is poorly written and inappropriately portrays the BDSM lifestyle and community, and I worry that it may lead people down a dangerous path, if they are not careful. Plus, there’s much better smut available.

However, I cannot deny that it is a phenomenon, and I’m glad that women feel comfortable enough with their sexuality to buy a book like this in such mass numbers, over 60 million copies. Many people are now wanting to take their fantasies to the bedroom, which I also highly encourage and promote! Because of this, even mainstream toy retailers like Adam and Eve Sex Toys have put together 50 Shades of Grey and Kinky Toy sections. Now, I hope that all of my regular readers know that I won’t let you go buying jelly anything, but readers that search Google for 50 Shades themed toys may not know. While I would like to be able to steer everyone in the direction of my favorite artisan paddle and flogger makers, that is just not practical for someone new to the kink scene or someone just dabbling for the first time. So, for those people, I’d like to give you a shopping guide of the most affordable options that are still up to my standards.

We’ll begin with my favorite, kegel exercisers. There are a ton of shoddy vaginal balls out there, and quite a few good ones. But if you’re new to the toy market then there is only one you need to know about: Lelo Luna Love Beads. They are widely accepted as the best on the market for many reasons. They are super high quality, come with a warranty, can be sanitized and the weights are adjustable. Better yet, not only do they actually work, but they are comfortable. This is not something I’d suggest skimping on, these beads are worth every penny. (My full review will be published at a later date.)

No kinky play would be complete without some bondage items!

• Silk restraints are the best introductory item, in my opinion. They are soft, sensual and sexy, but they can also be very effective. If you’re new to bondage and want to start small, this is the way to go.
• Bondage tape is really nice because it is super versatile and affordable. You can use it to tie someone to themselves, the bed, or anything else you can think of. It will only stick to itself and is even reusable if you remove it carefully.
• Door jam restraints, which I reviewed here, are a reasonable option. They are great for someone who prefers to remain vertical during play time, are not permanent and easily hidden away when not in use. Also fantastic for hotel rooms!
• The Under Bed Restraints are a decent option because they are super easy to install, and can stay in place all the time, just tuck them under the mattress when you’re not using them. They can be adjusted to be fairly secure, or left loose if you want some freedom of movement while still having the feeling of the cuffs.
• Spreaders are a good idea for slightly more advanced players, and can allow the top to position the bottom in many, lovely, compromising positions.

I hear tell that the book may include a vibrating metal plug, but those don’t actually exist. So I’m going to give you some better ideas. A very nice beginner plug is the Tantus Little Flirt and for intermediate and up there’s the Fun Factory Boosty. Both are made from high quality silicone (care info), can be sanitized and will last a lifetime!

Impact toys are a BDSM staple, but they can be very expensive, some cheaper introductory options are:

• Riding crop, very nice effect as an accessory, one of my favorites. Can leave welts, though, so start gently and work your way up!
• Flogger, my favorite to have used on me. A good flogging session is like a kinky back massage!
• Fur lined paddles are great because they do double duty. Use the paddle side as an impact toy, and the fur side to rub over the warm, sensitive skin when you are done… and don’t underestimate a good over-the-knee spanking!

Some other nice options are a blindfold or gag. I’d recommend a bit gag for beginners because it does not completely fill your mouth, there is no blocking of air, and you can still make noise if needed. Nipple clamps can also be a fun addition.

There are complete kits like this one in red that includes cuffs, blindfold and a flogger. Though cute, I’ll warn that the flogger falls are made from ribbon and are much more fantasy than real impact. For a bit (understatement) more money, you could spring for the Lelo Dare Me kit, which includes a blinder, restraints, whip and Luna Beads Noir, which are lovely and exactly the same as the beads I mentioned at the beginning of the post. This is the kit in the above photo.

Now that you know what toys to buy, let me give you some basic safety hints:

• Communication is Key! I love that you want to explore new things with your partner, and I want it to benefit your relationship. Discuss your fantasies, and hopes for the outcome of your adventure. Talk about your hesitations, and limits. It may not seem sexy, but when you’re in the moment, and you know that you’re on the same page, I promise it will be worth it.
• Have a Safe Word! I don’t care if it’s Magic Bananas, but choose something that you both agree on and can remember. I suggest colors, Yellow means “Slow down, this is getting to be a bit much, but I want to keep going”. This could just mean too much spanking in one spot, that you need to shift positions etc. Red means stop. No questions asked, just stop. Give them a handkerchief to waive or a ball to drop if they are gagged, and watch for it. Be sure and honor your partner by following through. Checking in throughout your session is a good idea, at least until you get a feel for everything.
• Bind Safely! Never leave a bound person unattended, ever. Especially if they have a gag in. Watch for pressure points and be sure to not cut off circulation. Make sure the position you put them in will be comfortable for the duration of your play. Always have a quick way out, toys can be replaced but people can’t!
• Watch Where You Swing! Impact play can be great fun, but be sure to start small and work your way up. Try not to hit the some place repeatedly. Beginners should stick to the butt and thighs. Be careful with the knees and the lower back, the coccyx is there and you don’t want to hurt it. Light to medium flogging on the back should be okay for most people, but don’t bomb the kidneys!
• Consent is Imperative! Nothing should ever be done without the full understanding and consent of the other person (one of the major issues I have with the book). All limitations should be discussed and respected. Consent cannot be given if the person is under emotional duress or the effects of drugs or alcohol. Discussions should be had when you are sober, and preferably, not turned on at all. SSC stands for Safe Sane Consensual and is an excellent guideline for all interactions.

Tips for Tops: You are being entrusted with the greatest gift anyone can give you, themselves. You should have the utmost respect for anyone who wishes to bottom or submit to you. It is your job to ensure their mental, physical and emotional well-being throughout the scene. If that sounds like a daunting task, good, it means you are taking it seriously! Be sure to make yourself aware of any special conditions, physical or mental, the bottom may have, and then respect them. Everything must always been done with full consent. A true Dom/me knows that their submissive is the most precious thing they own, keep this in mind even if you are not in a D/s relationship. Further information is available in many books, one of which you may be interested in is The New Topping Book.

Tips for Bottoms: First, know that you can be a bottom and not be a submissive, these are totally different things. It takes great trust and bravery to hand over control to someone else, and I applaud you for it. Be sure to communicate your needs before, during and after a scene, do not be afraid to do so. Never push yourself to do something you feel is dangerous just to please someone else, your safety is paramount. If anything is ever done without your consent, stop the scene immediately. Remember, at the end of the day, you are the one with the power to say no, which means you are the one ultimately in control. Once you have a suitable partner, and have communicated everything you need to, relax and enjoy. Further information can be found in The New Bottoming Book.

Tips for Everyone: Have I mentioned communication or consent yet? Yes? Well hopefully you’re getting the picture that this is the single most important idea of BDSM. When discussing fetishes and kinks remember to keep an open mind, no one likes to be judged by their partner. If you are finding a new partner online, exercise caution. Meet and play (if possible) in public the first few times. If you can join your local community (via Fetlife or a local dungeon) then do so, find others who can help you in locating a safe and suitable partner. If you must meet someone random, go in public, perhaps not alone, let others know where you’ll be and have them check in with you. Have a password only you know to give them the heads up that things are fine, or that they aren’t. Do not let someone you just met tie you up away from other people, this seems obvious, but in the moment anyone can make a poor decision. Be careful, and remember that once you’ve found someone, this can be great fun!

I could not possibly cover everything in this short post, but I will be posting a BDSM series in a couple of months that will go further into the intricacies of this sort of play. But for those of you who found inspiration in a book, I hope that I may have helped. Go forth and have hot sex, I’m here if you have any questions, I wish you the best of luck!

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Review: Sportsheets Impression Paddle

I’ve been eyeing the Sportsheet Impression Paddles for years, I even had an entire concept for a porn site based around one once. I never did take the plunge and buy one, because I wasn’t sure they worked… I am happy to report that they do! There’s more to know, though, so read on.

The paddle I have is the one with “SLUT” on it. No matter which word you choose, the construction is the same. The paddles are just over a foot long and just over 2 inches wide. They are made of stiff, black leather with… wait for it… PAPER in between the layers. Yeah. This is probably the biggest disappointment about the toy, the red part that you see under the cutouts is a semi-thick paper. Not only do I not expect it to hold up very well in the long term, but it isn’t really possible to sanitize paper (sweat or blood anyone?). At least with the leather you can wipe it down with bleach.

Although it is called a paddle, I’d categorize this as more of a stiff slapper. You aren’t going to do any serious damage, and there’s more noise than pain. For me, this is a plus. But others may prefer a little more heft to their toys. Speaking of, it is very lightweight, which means it won’t tire you out quickly and it is easy to wield. The feel for the bottom will be light sting, next to no thud, and not a lot of lasting feeling. With this toy, it’s all about the “impression” it leaves. (Harharhar)

So does it impress me? (That was the last one, promise!) It can be difficult to get all four letters to impact equally, so you may end up with LUT, like I frequently did. But it is possible to get the full word, and you don’t have to hit that hard to do it. However, what will determine your results is how well the receiver marks. Keep that in mind when considering this toy.

Overall, I’m pleased. It adds a new sensation to our bag and on people who mark well, it can leave it’s mark. I don’t tend to use the term slut in any form of degradation play, but if you do then this could be a fun tool. You can find your own SLUT Impression Paddle with the good folks of GoodVibes!

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Review: Babeland Rubber Paddle

The Rubber Paddle from Babeland is a bit of a beast. Actually, that may be a bit of an understatement. When I requested it I knew it might be a little “heavier” than some of the toys I am used to using, particularly since my fondness is for floggers. The only rubber paddles I’d come across before were probably more along the lines of a slapper or strap, thinner and lighter. This thing, well, like I said… it’s a beast.

The Babeland Rubber Paddle is 11″, 5 of them being the handle, and it is 3″ wide. What shocked me was just how thick it is, at  1/2″ thick, it is easily double what I expected. It is all a single piece of rubber and has a small hole for hanging. It definitely smells like a tire, but it isn’t overwhelming. However, if you hold it for a while you hands will smell slightly of rubber. If this is a smell that seriously bothers you, maybe look for a wood or leather paddle instead, if you have a thing for rubber then this is the toy for you.

The whole thing is flexible, especially the handle, since it isn’t as wide. This can be kind of fun because you can use the handle to “flick” the person on the receiving end. But it’s a little obnoxious when you’re using it as intended since it makes it harder to control the paddle. This is something I would consider a high impact toy. You could certainly leave deep bruising if that is your intention, and for new/lighter players, you may want to proceed with caution. The edge can also be used to gain a different sensation. I would describe the feeling as a hard sting. The weight makes me want to describe it as thuddy, but that’s really just the impact fooling you. Even just allowing it to “flop” against the pet’s butt made an outline mark, and he doesn’t mark easily. When I asked him to describe the sensation he said “Owwwwww” so there you go. It is now officially my go-to punishment toy.

If you or your bottom/submissive are a pain slut, then this should be in your gear bag. If not, it’s still a great piece to have. It’s very unique, and since building a diverse bag can get pricey, an affordable paddle is welcome. As simple as it is, it is a high quality toy, and something I’d recommend to most players. If you’re new to impact play, and looking to experiment, check out something like the Fluffy Flogger. But if you have any lasting interest in this kind of play, then the Rubber Paddle from Babeland is a great item to add to your collection!

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Review: Babeland Satin Bondage Kit

The pet and I have plenty of restraints, but they’re all a little… rough. Even fur lined cuffs can be a bit heavy sometimes. I’ve had my eye on a set of silk or satin restraints for a while. Something a little lighter, a little softer. However, some of the nicer sets can be a bit cost prohibitive. That’s why the Babeland Satin Bondage Kit is pretty fantastic, at under $30 it’s the perfect way to experiment with bondage. Or, if you’re more experienced, it would make a great addition to your current collection.

The kit contains two satin sashes, each five feet long. It also comes with an eye mask with elongated ties, totaling another five feet. They all arrive in a satin drawstring bag, that has more than enough room for other toys, if you wanted to store things in it. Overall, it’s pretty straightforward. The sashes are soft, and nice to the touch. The length allows for many options, including tying the sashes to each other, a bed, chair or anything else your devious mind can come up with. The blindfold is embroidered with the Babeland logo in hot pink, it’s cute but subtle. The only downside that I found is the foam in the mask. It is a little thin and doesn’t really feel as luxurious as the rest of the set. I wouldn’t say that it’s a big enough flaw to discourage purchasing, but it is something that could be improved on.

A note for “heavier players,” if you are looking for sensory deprivation, this isn’t the mask for you. If you are looking for heavy, severe bondage, this isn’t the set for you. Please be mindful of circulation, and note that it is never a good idea to leave people tied for long periods of time, unless you are both experienced in it.

That aside, this is the perfect starter set if you’re looking to experiment. It is also an extra sexy, sensual set if you’re looking for something other than the standard fare. I’m looking forward to using it with my pet as part of some forced feminization play, I think he’ll look lovely tied with a big bow.

If you would like to pick up a Satin Bondage Kit for yourself, the fabulous people at Babeland have them for you!

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Review: Ruff Doggie Styles Fluffy Flogger

The Ruff Doggie Styles Fluffy Flogger was the first flogger I ever purchased for myself. I bought it before I was really getting into the BDSM scene, and I wanted something non-threatening. Clearly, this was before I morphed into the Domme I am becoming, because now I love to leave marks. *insert devious grin here*

I found the flogger at my local toy shop, but couldn’t bring myself to part with the ridiculous sum they were asking. However, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I loved the braided handle, the pink (sometimes I like pink, mostly when it’s on an implement of pain… I guess I find it ironic), the fluff. It was pretty well reflective of my attitude toward impact play at the time, fun and not too serious.  I decided to go back and get it, but it was gone… thank god for the internet. I located one and it was quickly on the way!

The Ruff Doggie Styles Fluffy Flogger is well made and sturdy. The handle is 9″ with 5″ of grip space, there are knobs on each end and a loop for hanging. The handle is woven/braided leather and is not weighted for balance. The falls are 18″ (for a total length of 28″, loop to tip) and are a combination of black suede and pink faux fur. The suede falls surround the fur, but you can’t tell when using it.

Now, in use, there are a couple of ways of looking at it… the beginner’s perspective, and the seasoned player’s. I’m going to start with the more experienced first.

If you are a regular player, heavy or not, you will find that this flogger really only serves one or two purposes: Cool Down and possibly Warm Up. Some may consider it too light to be effective at warming up, but it is definitely good for cool down, if you like bringing them down gently. If you like to hit hard and go straight for the bunny, then you may not like this flogger. If you like the option of coming down slowly, keeping your rhythm going while lessening your impact, then this is a good choice for you.

For beginners, or people who just want to try something new… this is the perfect flogger for you. It is high enough quality to not suck, and will give you a taste of impact play with no real risk. Great for role play, or introducing a little kink into your routine. Also good if you think you’re interested in BDSM play, but don’t want to invest in a more expensive piece and don’t yet know your safety measures.

This flogger is light to throw and won’t tire you out, though it is not at all balanced. On the receiving end, it doesn’t really thud or sting, it just… brushes you. Either way it is a very light experience.

Overall I think my only real gripe is that mine is a rather short flogger, causing me to need to lean in close while flogging. I was unaware when I purchased it that they make a longer version, though you can find it through the link below. Everything about it is fairly well made, and it is a great addition to any toybox.