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Guide to: 50 Shades of Grey Toys

If you follow me on Twitter, you may know that I’m not a fan of 50 Shades of Grey. I feel like it is poorly written and inappropriately portrays the BDSM lifestyle and community, and I worry that it may lead people down a dangerous path, if they are not careful. Plus, there’s much better smut available.

However, I cannot deny that it is a phenomenon, and I’m glad that women feel comfortable enough with their sexuality to buy a book like this in such mass numbers, over 60 million copies. Many people are now wanting to take their fantasies to the bedroom, which I also highly encourage and promote! Because of this, even mainstream toy retailers like Adam and Eve Sex Toys have put together 50 Shades of Grey and Kinky Toy sections. Now, I hope that all of my regular readers know that I won’t let you go buying jelly anything, but readers that search Google for 50 Shades themed toys may not know. While I would like to be able to steer everyone in the direction of my favorite artisan paddle and flogger makers, that is just not practical for someone new to the kink scene or someone just dabbling for the first time. So, for those people, I’d like to give you a shopping guide of the most affordable options that are still up to my standards.

We’ll begin with my favorite, kegel exercisers. There are a ton of shoddy vaginal balls out there, and quite a few good ones. But if you’re new to the toy market then there is only one you need to know about: Lelo Luna Love Beads. They are widely accepted as the best on the market for many reasons. They are super high quality, come with a warranty, can be sanitized and the weights are adjustable. Better yet, not only do they actually work, but they are comfortable. This is not something I’d suggest skimping on, these beads are worth every penny. (My full review will be published at a later date.)

No kinky play would be complete without some bondage items!

• Silk restraints are the best introductory item, in my opinion. They are soft, sensual and sexy, but they can also be very effective. If you’re new to bondage and want to start small, this is the way to go.
• Bondage tape is really nice because it is super versatile and affordable. You can use it to tie someone to themselves, the bed, or anything else you can think of. It will only stick to itself and is even reusable if you remove it carefully.
• Door jam restraints, which I reviewed here, are a reasonable option. They are great for someone who prefers to remain vertical during play time, are not permanent and easily hidden away when not in use. Also fantastic for hotel rooms!
• The Under Bed Restraints are a decent option because they are super easy to install, and can stay in place all the time, just tuck them under the mattress when you’re not using them. They can be adjusted to be fairly secure, or left loose if you want some freedom of movement while still having the feeling of the cuffs.
• Spreaders are a good idea for slightly more advanced players, and can allow the top to position the bottom in many, lovely, compromising positions.

I hear tell that the book may include a vibrating metal plug, but those don’t actually exist. So I’m going to give you some better ideas. A very nice beginner plug is the Tantus Little Flirt and for intermediate and up there’s the Fun Factory Boosty. Both are made from high quality silicone (care info), can be sanitized and will last a lifetime!

Impact toys are a BDSM staple, but they can be very expensive, some cheaper introductory options are:

• Riding crop, very nice effect as an accessory, one of my favorites. Can leave welts, though, so start gently and work your way up!
• Flogger, my favorite to have used on me. A good flogging session is like a kinky back massage!
• Fur lined paddles are great because they do double duty. Use the paddle side as an impact toy, and the fur side to rub over the warm, sensitive skin when you are done… and don’t underestimate a good over-the-knee spanking!

Some other nice options are a blindfold or gag. I’d recommend a bit gag for beginners because it does not completely fill your mouth, there is no blocking of air, and you can still make noise if needed. Nipple clamps can also be a fun addition.

There are complete kits like this one in red that includes cuffs, blindfold and a flogger. Though cute, I’ll warn that the flogger falls are made from ribbon and are much more fantasy than real impact. For a bit (understatement) more money, you could spring for the Lelo Dare Me kit, which includes a blinder, restraints, whip and Luna Beads Noir, which are lovely and exactly the same as the beads I mentioned at the beginning of the post. This is the kit in the above photo.

Now that you know what toys to buy, let me give you some basic safety hints:

• Communication is Key! I love that you want to explore new things with your partner, and I want it to benefit your relationship. Discuss your fantasies, and hopes for the outcome of your adventure. Talk about your hesitations, and limits. It may not seem sexy, but when you’re in the moment, and you know that you’re on the same page, I promise it will be worth it.
• Have a Safe Word! I don’t care if it’s Magic Bananas, but choose something that you both agree on and can remember. I suggest colors, Yellow means “Slow down, this is getting to be a bit much, but I want to keep going”. This could just mean too much spanking in one spot, that you need to shift positions etc. Red means stop. No questions asked, just stop. Give them a handkerchief to waive or a ball to drop if they are gagged, and watch for it. Be sure and honor your partner by following through. Checking in throughout your session is a good idea, at least until you get a feel for everything.
• Bind Safely! Never leave a bound person unattended, ever. Especially if they have a gag in. Watch for pressure points and be sure to not cut off circulation. Make sure the position you put them in will be comfortable for the duration of your play. Always have a quick way out, toys can be replaced but people can’t!
• Watch Where You Swing! Impact play can be great fun, but be sure to start small and work your way up. Try not to hit the some place repeatedly. Beginners should stick to the butt and thighs. Be careful with the knees and the lower back, the coccyx is there and you don’t want to hurt it. Light to medium flogging on the back should be okay for most people, but don’t bomb the kidneys!
• Consent is Imperative! Nothing should ever be done without the full understanding and consent of the other person (one of the major issues I have with the book). All limitations should be discussed and respected. Consent cannot be given if the person is under emotional duress or the effects of drugs or alcohol. Discussions should be had when you are sober, and preferably, not turned on at all. SSC stands for Safe Sane Consensual and is an excellent guideline for all interactions.

Tips for Tops: You are being entrusted with the greatest gift anyone can give you, themselves. You should have the utmost respect for anyone who wishes to bottom or submit to you. It is your job to ensure their mental, physical and emotional well-being throughout the scene. If that sounds like a daunting task, good, it means you are taking it seriously! Be sure to make yourself aware of any special conditions, physical or mental, the bottom may have, and then respect them. Everything must always been done with full consent. A true Dom/me knows that their submissive is the most precious thing they own, keep this in mind even if you are not in a D/s relationship. Further information is available in many books, one of which you may be interested in is The New Topping Book.

Tips for Bottoms: First, know that you can be a bottom and not be a submissive, these are totally different things. It takes great trust and bravery to hand over control to someone else, and I applaud you for it. Be sure to communicate your needs before, during and after a scene, do not be afraid to do so. Never push yourself to do something you feel is dangerous just to please someone else, your safety is paramount. If anything is ever done without your consent, stop the scene immediately. Remember, at the end of the day, you are the one with the power to say no, which means you are the one ultimately in control. Once you have a suitable partner, and have communicated everything you need to, relax and enjoy. Further information can be found in The New Bottoming Book.

Tips for Everyone: Have I mentioned communication or consent yet? Yes? Well hopefully you’re getting the picture that this is the single most important idea of BDSM. When discussing fetishes and kinks remember to keep an open mind, no one likes to be judged by their partner. If you are finding a new partner online, exercise caution. Meet and play (if possible) in public the first few times. If you can join your local community (via Fetlife or a local dungeon) then do so, find others who can help you in locating a safe and suitable partner. If you must meet someone random, go in public, perhaps not alone, let others know where you’ll be and have them check in with you. Have a password only you know to give them the heads up that things are fine, or that they aren’t. Do not let someone you just met tie you up away from other people, this seems obvious, but in the moment anyone can make a poor decision. Be careful, and remember that once you’ve found someone, this can be great fun!

I could not possibly cover everything in this short post, but I will be posting a BDSM series in a couple of months that will go further into the intricacies of this sort of play. But for those of you who found inspiration in a book, I hope that I may have helped. Go forth and have hot sex, I’m here if you have any questions, I wish you the best of luck!

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Review: Babeland Satin Bondage Kit

The pet and I have plenty of restraints, but they’re all a little… rough. Even fur lined cuffs can be a bit heavy sometimes. I’ve had my eye on a set of silk or satin restraints for a while. Something a little lighter, a little softer. However, some of the nicer sets can be a bit cost prohibitive. That’s why the Babeland Satin Bondage Kit is pretty fantastic, at under $30 it’s the perfect way to experiment with bondage. Or, if you’re more experienced, it would make a great addition to your current collection.

The kit contains two satin sashes, each five feet long. It also comes with an eye mask with elongated ties, totaling another five feet. They all arrive in a satin drawstring bag, that has more than enough room for other toys, if you wanted to store things in it. Overall, it’s pretty straightforward. The sashes are soft, and nice to the touch. The length allows for many options, including tying the sashes to each other, a bed, chair or anything else your devious mind can come up with. The blindfold is embroidered with the Babeland logo in hot pink, it’s cute but subtle. The only downside that I found is the foam in the mask. It is a little thin and doesn’t really feel as luxurious as the rest of the set. I wouldn’t say that it’s a big enough flaw to discourage purchasing, but it is something that could be improved on.

A note for “heavier players,” if you are looking for sensory deprivation, this isn’t the mask for you. If you are looking for heavy, severe bondage, this isn’t the set for you. Please be mindful of circulation, and note that it is never a good idea to leave people tied for long periods of time, unless you are both experienced in it.

That aside, this is the perfect starter set if you’re looking to experiment. It is also an extra sexy, sensual set if you’re looking for something other than the standard fare. I’m looking forward to using it with my pet as part of some forced feminization play, I think he’ll look lovely tied with a big bow.

If you would like to pick up a Satin Bondage Kit for yourself, the fabulous people at Babeland have them for you!

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Review: Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs

I’ve had my eye on some over-the-door style restraints for a while now, so when the Sportsheets Door Jam Cuffs (clever name, I know) were offered for review, I jumped on it. I had visions of cuffing the pet to the door in the hotel when we attend conventions next year, I will report back when these events have taken place.

The Cuffs (I am not writing out that whole thing every time, ugh.) come in a plastic clam shell type packaging, with a paper insert. On the front you will find an overly photoshopped blonde woman strapped to a door and being held up by a intense looking man. I’m not thrilled with the image, which I may have also located on a Turkish stock photo site (I’m not sure, since Chrome failed to translate properly), but oh well… I’ve never really thought of Sportsheets as ground breaking when it comes to perpetuating stereotypes. You will also find a seal that says “Limited Lifetime Warranty.” The instructions are simple enough to understand, written in several languages, and the accompanying photos make it pretty clear how these puppies work. They also proudly proclaim that they are made in the USA, alrighty then.

You receive two ankle/wrist cuffs in a pack. Each has a small plastic tube at the top which is placed over the door, the door is then closed which will secure the cuffs in place. The straps are made from nylon, think backpack straps, and are not adjustable. The cuffs are a very soft, black fleece and are secured with a long velcro strip. They attach to the straps with a metal D-ring.

Ok, simple enough, so how well do they work? Tossing them over the door and having the pet strap me in I found them to be pretty effective and comfortable. However, I am 5’7″ and they hold my arms at a height that keeps my elbows bent, but still raised. When placed on the 6’2″ pet, his upper arms were held perpendicular to his body, not quite as effective in look or feel. If you want to measure for personal fit, the strap are 8″ long, but remember that part goes over the door.

When resting the full weight of your arms on the restraints the cuffs are still pretty soft and comfy, so that’s a good thing. However, I would really have liked it if they were secured by a couple of heavy snaps, so that you could clip on your own cuffs should you want to. Another thing that would have been nice is if the straps were adjustable, people much shorter that me may begin to find the cuffs uncomfortable, people taller may not get the full benefits of feeling restrained.

It is clear to me, between the height placement and the packaging (which states: “Keeping Couples Connected”), that these cuffs were designed with heterosexual, female-submissive couple is mind. They are not intended for people who are truly into heavy BDSM, as you cannot use your own cuffs and could pretty easily get out if you really tried. The target customer seems to be couples who just want to try something new, and that’s fine too.

A few miscellaneous points to mention.

• The photo shows them using them on the back side of the door. Depending on your door, this may not work. As the pet pointed out with the door we were testing them on, if he had them on the inside of the door and pulled hard enough, he would have been able to pull the door in. This would have damaged the toy, the door, and potentially him as well. So be sure you are on the appropriate side for your door and that it it sturdy enough.
• While the cuffs are large enough for ankles (of most sizes, they’re very generous at 10″), placing them under the door may pose similar problems to the above. In addition, you should check to be sure the gap at the bottom of your door isn’t too large. In my house, we put in wood floors and the doors were sized for carpet, so there is a more substantial gap now. It does not secure the cuffs in a way that would make them effective.
• I read that another reviewer was able to pull herself up on hers (but she only weighs 95 pounds). While they may hold up to quite a bit of tugging, I don’t know if most people should expect to be able to do that.

The plastic tubes that secure the cuffs over the door are hollow and have caps on the end. A friend pointed out that this is actually a nice feature, since it will keep them from scratching/denting  your door. Overall, the cuffs are sturdy and pretty well-made.

For my personal use, they will probably be relegated to the travel bag. We have hitching rings permanently installed in a doorway at the pets house for restraining him, and they can be used with his nice cuffs. Plus, as the pet pointed out, if you are rope savvy you could easily rig something that could secure both wrists and ankles over any door you’d like. Though both of those options are probably better suited to heavier players.

For people who are interested in being restrained comfortably (and fit into a reasonable height range for this product), this is a great item to pick up. The cuffs are super comfy and reasonably priced, they are fairly versatile, easy to clean up (I’d suggest hand washing and hanging to dry) and they are small for packing/storing. I will definitely use them when traveling, and maybe on occasion at home too. Get yours at Good Vibes today!

PS… Even thought I found I could escape from these cuffs, it is not something that should ever be assumed. You should never leave a retrained person unattended!

Thanks again to Good Vibes for sending me the Door Jam Cuffs to review!